Monthly Archives: January 2011

Rich in What Matters Most (My Story: Part 5)

Vigorously, a wonderful speech therapist at Duke worked with Avery on her sucking reflex. Did you know that sucking is one of the first steps toward speech in terms of the pathways the brain develops? Yes! Go ahead and give that pacifier to your baby! When Avery left the hospital, she took one suck on the pacifier. She fed through a tube, though. My new assignment from the Lord was to help Avery learn to eat. Through a lot of prayer from others, repetition, using special bottles with cold, thickened formula, Avery learned to bottle-feed. She eventually had the tube removed. Doctors told us she would never be free of that tube, but God allowed otherwise. Again, we witnessed direct answers to prayer. God permitted Avery to enjoy something simple to most babies…drinking milk.

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Once Avery arrived home from the hospital, therapists came to the house. One shook keys in front of her and told us that Avery could not see or hear. Duh! We already knew that! Thankfully, she told us frankly that she did not know what to do. Another therapist held her, squeezed some toys near Avery, and watched her sleep. She told us that she worked more with geriatrics and really did not know what to do with Avery either. Again, we prayed and prayed. There had to be more we could do for our daughter!

Put simply, we knew that if God wanted to heal Avery, He could. We also knew that sometimes God heals over time and gives us work to do in that process. He often uses doctors and medicines to bring about His plans. Finally, we knew that sometimes His ways are so much greater than our ways that He chooses not to heal on this side of eternity. So, desiring healing for Avery, yet praying for God’s sovereign will, we decided to contact a therapy team from England who came to America twice per year to work with traumatically brain injured children. Although we did not know it at the time, this was the best decision for Avery and for our family that we could have made. God truly guided us.

Avery

After learning how to work with Avery as one would a stroke patient, repeating things until the brain forms new pathways, we returned home from a trip to Lancaster, Pennsylvania where we met with therapists. In Pennsylvania, the therapists evaluated Avery and wrote a special program for her. We met other families who were doing similar programs with their children. We learned that we would need three teams per day to work on a 20-30 minute program with Avery. We needed God to prompt 40-50 people per week to come and help us. Wow! Should we even ask people to do that?

Avery and Lindy

Well, we did. Shocked that so many people volunteered to help, we thanked God and those friends from church. In spite of being urged to maintain this therapy seven days per week by the medical team, we decided to run the program five days per week, to have one day for family, and Sundays for worship and rest.  In order to stimulate her vision, we painted Avery’s room fire engine red, hung large Christmas lights around the room, and a large disco ball in the center of the room. Volunteers learned the program, entered our home with much love, always made a big fuss over Lindy and Avery, and with excitement worked Avery’s program. During that time, we grew close to those many families and individuals who gave so sacrificially to the Lord and to our family. And…would you believe that God changed Avery right in front of us all…from a baby who did not respond to an air horn blown in a room, and one who cringed and cried when touched, to a smiling little girl who loved to be cuddled and kissed, who loved the sounds of the voices of her new large family?

She gained her vision and learned to eat. One evening, the group working with her placed her on the hall floor and cheered, “Go, Avery, go!!!” Astoundingly, she crawled!

The Bible

Lamp Unto My Feet

Our amazing God taught us so many things during that time. I will share five of our top lessons.

  • Just because a situation looks one way, do not give up, especially in prayer. God is the One who determines the outcome.

“For you have need of endurance, so that after you have done the will of God, you may receive the promise…” Hebrews 10:36

  • God cares about every little detail in your life. He is in charge of it all. He is an amazing Creator. The brain is a fascinating, complex organ. God designed it perfectly.

“Therefore let those who suffer according to the will of God commit their souls to Him in doing good, as to a faithful Creator.” 1 Peter 4:19

  • God loves to use His people to carry out His plans. He is glorified when Christians unite and treat each other as Christ desires.

“Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.” 1 John 4:11

  • Jesus is compassionate. He never gives you more than you can bear. He supplies what you need…when you need it.

“The Lord is gracious and full of compassion, Slow to anger and great in mercy.” Psalm 145:8

  • Once you are His, Jesus never leaves you. (I might try to leave Him, but He pursues me and brings me back.)

“…For He Himself has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.” Hebrews 13:5b

Stark Family

For the next few years, we continued a similar routine in my home town, after we moved there to lower our cost of living and to be near my family. Burwell worked as a school teacher, a part-time youth minister and he supplied the pulpit in my home town area. Our family lived very modestly, but we felt rich in the things that mattered the most.

A God Who Makes No Mistakes (My Story: Part 4)

Via emergency C-section, Avery Christian arrived in the world and weighed in at a whopping 8.14 pounds! Relieved after a grueling day of hearing first, from the doctors, that neither mother nor baby may survive, then hearing the baby is alive, but your wife is hemorrhaging, and it may be impossible to stop, Burwell entered the room and tearfully held my hand. We experienced a bittersweet moment of love that is simply a gift from God. What could our hearts do except thank our great God? Burwell explained to me that Avery was born dead and her initial Apgar scores rated zero. Amazingly, the doctors resuscitated her. She experienced an expected seizure. Then, her Apgar scores rose to eight or nine. In a short time, an MRI and EEG would reveal the extent of the damage, if any, due to the loss of oxygen which Avery sustained after my placenta ruptured. Burwell, exhausted from the ordeal, praised the Lord that He chose to leave his wife and daughter on this earth at this time.

Avery in the Hospital

Caringly, the nurses brought pictures of Avery to my bedside. I gazed on her blonde curls, her rolls of fat, and how she appeared so perfect. I was told she had bright, blue eyes. How long, O Lord, will it be until I get to hold my newborn in my arms? Days passed. Friends and family filled the hospital. The outpouring of love overwhelmed our little family. We did not deserve all that God showered us with during that time. However, in God’s perfect plan, he knew that He would hold us up and carry us through this valley of tears with the loving, compassionate arms of His faithful saints. Many people labored to feed Burwell and the family members, care for Lindy, and comfort me with flowers, visits, calls, cards and mighty prayers. On the rough days, though, the much-needed note on the hospital door read, “No visitors, please.” Throughout this entire trauma, we needed to know that Jesus still cared for us. God used His church to remind us that He never makes a mistake.

3 days old

As I lifted my head from a difficult night of nausea, I noticed the head pediatric neurosurgeon and her team entering the room. She drew near to my bed. Burwell entered, too. His countenance revealed sorrow. Stoically, but softly, the neurosurgeon told me that the MRI and EEG noted zero brain activity in the entire cortex of Avery’s brain. Only portions of the Pons, and the midbrain functioned. What did that mean? Avery was traumatically brain injured, and would be “chronic vegetative” the rest of her life. It seemed that a dagger pierced my heart. The packing on my face caused all tears to travel to my stomach which, in turn, caused sickness. I fought the tears, but a many fell in spite of my efforts, and my mouth opened toward the doctors. I cannot explain how the words flowed out, as anything except the faithful control of the Holy Spirit, “And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose” (Romans 8:28). I knew the prayers of the saints sustained me in that moment. Have you ever known someone prayed for you? I did. The team stared at me as if someone administered too much of my pain-killers in my IV! Jesus promised He would never leave me, nor forsake me. He did not leave me when I felt I needed Him the most.

Brooke and Avery at home

After seven weeks, we brought Avery home. But how could a loving God allow such suffering? How could this be good? Why did God heal me, and leave Avery in a state where doctors told us “she would lie in a bed and grow?” Why should Burwell or I or anyone we knew keep worshipping a God like that? We took those questions to our great, big God. At times, we spoke these questions to Him with crying and with anger in the days, and even, years ahead. There are days that these questions still arise, but God has spoken so evidently through His Word.

All that Burwell and I need to know is given in His Word. Peace, Truth, Healing, Life are found in that book, His book, and in no other place, “For the word of God is living and powerful, and sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing even to the division of soul and spirit, and of joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart” (Hebrews 4:12).

Lindy, so happy to see her "sissy" come home

As we personally dealt with these tough life questions, and lived moment to moment, God began to do a beautiful work of healing in Avery’s life, too. No matter what the outcome would be, God was making Himself so clear in the ordinary things of each day that we could not deny that He is a God who makes no mistakes.

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Please Note: Only the Lord can give peace through any period of suffering, and answer those hard questions. Sometimes, we make peace with not having all of the answers on this side of Heaven. I do not have all of my questions answered, but God has shown me some of His purposes for our trials. The greatest purpose has been knowing Him and growing closer to Him.

Books on suffering:

The Bible, God’s Holy Word, is the first and best source. I use the NKJV. Burwell uses the ESV and the NAS. Lindy uses the NIV.

Books to Read with your Bible:

That Seemingly Impossible Situation (My Story:Part 3)

This image shows a Intensive Care Unit.

Intensive Care Unit


As I surveyed the walls around me, I realized I survived and I was obviously in an ICU room somewhere. Did my baby make it? Was the other driver hurt? I tried to move. My body was strapped to the bed, my neck was in a brace, and I was connected to a respirator. What happened to me? Am I paralyzed? I want to see my family. At that moment, my sister entered the room. She leaned over and started speaking wonderful things to me, but…but…no one had answered my questions. I could not speak. Oh, yes! Brenna, my sister, and I learned to sign the alphabet as children. Our deaf cousin taught us. Brenna noticed my fingers moving on the side of my bed.

“No one told you. Avery is alive! No! You are not paralyzed. They are just going to run more tests on you.”

Relief. Joy. Anxiousness. I wanted to go home now. I signed some more questions. “Brenna, how do I look?”

Being a loving sister, she did not lie. “You look pretty bad, Brooke.”

With absolute frustration that she did not make up something, like “beautiful,” I shamefully signed to my sister, “shut-up.” She ran out of the room crying. Brenna later told me that it was at that moment that she had peace that I was going to be okay. What can better reflect the unconditional love of the Lord toward us than the love of family?

Brooke, recovering well, and little Lindy

Entering the room next, my dear friend and neighbor and the wife of the music minister from our church brought the love of Christ. Being deaf, my friend also interpreted easily my finger spelling. From Angela, I learned much of the story of the accident…permitted by my Sovereign God. After blowing through a stop sign and driving straight into my lane, the other motorist walked away uninjured. She attempted to lie at the accident scene, was the same age as me (29), and she did not profess a relationship with Jesus Christ. For some reason, I repeated this question to everyone, “Does that lady know Jesus?”

Once the doctors of Duke University Medical center spoke with me, they conveyed that I would be in recovery for a long time and in the hospital for weeks or even months. My nose was concave, and my right foot was crushed with the surgery required likened to putting together pieces of a puzzle. The medical team also told me I may never walk without assistance, but my age, not being a smoker, or a drinker, all helped. People everywhere prayed. Letters poured into the hospital from around the world. Within two weeks, I left the hospital on crutches, without Avery at this time. But my healing accelerated. God answered prayers! Within 6 months, I danced in a recital with a group of ladies in an act of worship to God. One year later, I water-skied. Now, I must confess, I would not attempt skiing again, but I did it once…to the glory of God!!!! God chose to heal me, for His purposes, and His plans. But what about Avery? What did God choose for her? What would be next for Avery?

Avery Christian Stark

Dear friends, God is a mighty Deliverer. Jesus is Healer. He heals today. “The LORD is good,  A stronghold in the day of trouble; And He knows those who trust in Him” (Nahum 1:7). Please persist in prayer because God displays His power through our prayers. Sometimes, our prayers are not answered in the way that we desire, but sometimes our magnificent God “who by the power at work within us is able to accomplish abundantly far more than all we can ask or imagine,” (Ephesians 3:20) answers prayers in ways we could never foresee. Do not stop praying for that seemingly impossible situation.

Victory or Defeat? (My Story: Part 2)

As I turned out of my neighborhood, I prayed and thanked the Lord for the day ahead. My husband and daughter were traveling a bit behind me with the crafts I had worked so hard on painting in the weeks prior to the sunny Saturday morning in November. Avery Christian, our second daughter, may be born today. “Oh, Lord, I would just love to get through the Christmas craft show at the seminary today before I deliver this baby. How are these girls going to do on the mission field in a Muslim country, dear Lord? Please keep leading our little family into your perfect will.”

“OH, MY…” BAM!!!! I saw the car in my lane and heard the loudest boom I have ever heard. I slammed the brakes, and felt my body sling forward. I could not finish my sentence. The weight of the car caved in on my pregnant body. I felt pain in my foot, and throughout my face. “I am pregnant. Someone! I am pregnant!” A man entered the car from the back seat. He held my head still. I heard my husband’s voice, “Brooke, Brooke, it is going to be okay. Tell me your name. Tell me your address. Stay calm.” “Brooke Stark. The baby!” “Help is on its way. I love you.”

In my mind, I knew that it was bad. Inside, I felt a deep sadness thinking I may never see my unborn child, I may never watch my other daughter grow up, and I may not spend more years with my husband. Yet, I knew where I was going. I knew I was going home to be with Jesus. Was this all He had for me in this life? My heart was flooded with peace, as if the Holy Spirit was hugging me from the inside-out. I could see the man cutting me from the car. “Praise the Lord. He did send help.” I heard the helicopter. I was moving. I hurt. I was not afraid. God gave me the “peace that passes understanding (Philippians 4:7).” We were flying. I heard them talking about stopping the bleeding. I was dying. Our baby was dying. I might see Jesus today. All became dark.

Fourteen units of blood, an emergency C-section, 2 reconstructive facial surgeries, and a heel replacement later, I am who I am today. “His mercies are new every morning” and “great is His faithfulness.” Fortunately, God does not allow all of us to go through scenes like I did. For some, they experience far worse, and many never go through crisis. However, we all suffer in different ways. We all have days that are not what we expected when we wake up and roll out of bed.

Brooke and Burwell 2010

Why do I write this scene on my blog today? I pray it serves as a reminder to the reader that we are to live in the present, not in the future, not in the past. A dear friend told me once, that I wanted to receive God’s grace for the future, which is a product of worry.  I needed to stop striving in that way. God promises His grace for today, for that given situation, for that moment. He says, “Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid” (John 14:27). We should not live in fear, nor worry. God is able and willing to take our burdens and grant us peace…in the moment we need it…not before…not after.

Also, we are not to take for granted the gift of today. Focus on today, dear friend. Scripture is clear that we should “not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own” (Matthew 6:34). Trust that God hears your prayers and He is completely in charge of your life…every moment of the day. I am still learning these lessons, that God is all-knowing and all-powerful and that He will give us what we need when we need it. As a believer in Christ, I cannot explain how He does it, but I can testify that He is big enough to give what you need for victory, not defeat, in your particular situation. Just ask Him.

Forgiveness: (My Story-Part 1)

Avery and Lindy

As the young man dreamed of the birth of his second daughter, due for delivery in just six days, he drove his car around the corner, and in horror, found his pregnant wife slumped over the steering wheel of her totaled car. He reacted as he should, not overly emotional, thinking quickly. Soon, he stood with their 14-month-old first born daughter in his arms, and watched his wife freed from the crushed vehicle with the Jaws of Life. After his wife was life-flighted to one of the top national hospitals, he met with teams of doctors who told him that neither his wife nor his baby may survive.

Why did that other young woman drive through the stop sign at such a high speed? Why did she lie at the accident scene? Thankfully, the police officer confronted her and assessed the scenario correctly. How did she walk away without a scratch when he might lose half his family? How can he forgive her choices of using and distributing drugs when the results impacted his family so tragically? My husband, Burwell, faced these questions in 1999 as he assisted me in recovery from this horrid auto accident. The same questions resurfaced when our daughter, Avery, who suffered traumatic brain injury due to loss of oxygen when my placenta ruptured during the crash, passed away in 2003. If anyone deserved his anger, it should be that woman.

In the Bible, God tells us in Romans 12:17-21 “not to repay anyone evil for evil,” “not to take revenge,” and not to be “overcome by evil.” But how does one truly forgive? Why forgive? What does forgiveness look like?

Burwell and I learned that we all have to take the same steps toward forgiveness, no matter what the offense. A seminary professor, I know, states that it is often easier to forgive the big offenses, and hold onto the smaller things. While there is much truth in this statement, I personally struggled and watched Burwell struggle the most with this large hurt, resulting in the loss of our daughter’s life, and ending many of our own dreams. So, why do we forgive? The answer is simple to comprehend, but hard to apply. We forgive others because Jesus forgave us (John 3:16). God also requires that we forgive in order to be forgiven (Matthew 5:23-24). In this passage, the Lord tells us to go and reconcile with our brother before placing our gift on the altar.

While it is necessary that we forgive permanently (I Corinthians 13:5), it is not an easy process to surrender our desire to get even. Forgiveness is so undeserved. No one deserves forgiveness in Christ, nor does anyone earn forgiveness in Him. He gives it freely. The Lord also gives His children the power to forgive others. It happens through clear and honest confession and communication with Him. In other words, through prayer: talking to God, and hearing from God through the reading of His Word. Often, we need help with forgiving others from fellow Christians. We need others to pray for us, or we need to be able to speak with trusted Christians who will direct us with wise counsel.

Hebrews 12: 14-15 instructs us to “make every effort to live at peace with all men and to be holy…to see to it that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble.”  The goal of forgiveness is peace and reconciliation. Sometimes, however, this is not possible. Once “every effort” for peace is made, you can rest in God as the only One who has the authority to forgive sins, He is fair and just. He can be trusted with our deepest sufferings, our most painful wounds, and every offense.

Dear Heavenly Father, Thank you for forgiveness in your Son. Please forgive me when I hold onto bitterness and anger toward those who have wounded me. Please grant me Your heart of forgiveness toward that person or those persons. Please help me to take the steps You wish me to make toward reconciliation. May You be glorified in my thoughts, speech and actions today and always. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.