Via emergency C-section, Avery Christian arrived in the world and weighed in at a whopping 8.14 pounds! Relieved after a grueling day of hearing first, from the doctors, that neither mother nor baby may survive, then hearing the baby is alive, but your wife is hemorrhaging, and it may be impossible to stop, Burwell entered the room and tearfully held my hand. We experienced a bittersweet moment of love that is simply a gift from God. What could our hearts do except thank our great God? Burwell explained to me that Avery was born dead and her initial Apgar scores rated zero. Amazingly, the doctors resuscitated her. She experienced an expected seizure. Then, her Apgar scores rose to eight or nine. In a short time, an MRI and EEG would reveal the extent of the damage, if any, due to the loss of oxygen which Avery sustained after my placenta ruptured. Burwell, exhausted from the ordeal, praised the Lord that He chose to leave his wife and daughter on this earth at this time.
Avery in the Hospital
Caringly, the nurses brought pictures of Avery to my bedside. I gazed on her blonde curls, her rolls of fat, and how she appeared so perfect. I was told she had bright, blue eyes. How long, O Lord, will it be until I get to hold my newborn in my arms? Days passed. Friends and family filled the hospital. The outpouring of love overwhelmed our little family. We did not deserve all that God showered us with during that time. However, in God’s perfect plan, he knew that He would hold us up and carry us through this valley of tears with the loving, compassionate arms of His faithful saints. Many people labored to feed Burwell and the family members, care for Lindy, and comfort me with flowers, visits, calls, cards and mighty prayers. On the rough days, though, the much-needed note on the hospital door read, “No visitors, please.” Throughout this entire trauma, we needed to know that Jesus still cared for us. God used His church to remind us that He never makes a mistake.
3 days old
As I lifted my head from a difficult night of nausea, I noticed the head pediatric neurosurgeon and her team entering the room. She drew near to my bed. Burwell entered, too. His countenance revealed sorrow. Stoically, but softly, the neurosurgeon told me that the MRI and EEG noted zero brain activity in the entire cortex of Avery’s brain. Only portions of the Pons, and the midbrain functioned. What did that mean? Avery was traumatically brain injured, and would be “chronic vegetative” the rest of her life. It seemed that a dagger pierced my heart. The packing on my face caused all tears to travel to my stomach which, in turn, caused sickness. I fought the tears, but a many fell in spite of my efforts, and my mouth opened toward the doctors. I cannot explain how the words flowed out, as anything except the faithful control of the Holy Spirit, “And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose” (Romans 8:28). I knew the prayers of the saints sustained me in that moment. Have you ever known someone prayed for you? I did. The team stared at me as if someone administered too much of my pain-killers in my IV! Jesus promised He would never leave me, nor forsake me. He did not leave me when I felt I needed Him the most.
Brooke and Avery at home
After seven weeks, we brought Avery home. But how could a loving God allow such suffering? How could this be good? Why did God heal me, and leave Avery in a state where doctors told us “she would lie in a bed and grow?” Why should Burwell or I or anyone we knew keep worshipping a God like that? We took those questions to our great, big God. At times, we spoke these questions to Him with crying and with anger in the days, and even, years ahead. There are days that these questions still arise, but God has spoken so evidently through His Word.
All that Burwell and I need to know is given in His Word. Peace, Truth, Healing, Life are found in that book, His book, and in no other place, “For the word of God is living and powerful, and sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing even to the division of soul and spirit, and of joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart” (Hebrews 4:12).
Lindy, so happy to see her "sissy" come home
As we personally dealt with these tough life questions, and lived moment to moment, God began to do a beautiful work of healing in Avery’s life, too. No matter what the outcome would be, God was making Himself so clear in the ordinary things of each day that we could not deny that He is a God who makes no mistakes.
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Please Note: Only the Lord can give peace through any period of suffering, and answer those hard questions. Sometimes, we make peace with not having all of the answers on this side of Heaven. I do not have all of my questions answered, but God has shown me some of His purposes for our trials. The greatest purpose has been knowing Him and growing closer to Him.
Books on suffering:
The Bible, God’s Holy Word, is the first and best source. I use the NKJV. Burwell uses the ESV and the NAS. Lindy uses the NIV.
Books to Read with your Bible:
Hello! I'm Brooke.
